There isn't enough medication on the planet...

 Ok so I'm on a little va-cay to visit my family in Sunny California.  Did you know that I hate to fly.  No, I REALLY HATE IT.  Soo I made sure to take a "real airplane" not some 7 seat crop duster that normally flies into my home town.  I'm thinking that I'm in the all clear when my ears pop really hard during the flight.  Which was really weird because at the same time the lady next to me and the two men in front of me all grabbed their heads at the same time.  Everyone in the plane's ears popped all at once. Hmmmmm. So just then the flight attendant sits down quietly, puts on her seat belt and says,

"We are making an emergency landing, it seems as though we have a little crack in the windshield."

WTH?  Let me give you a little insight into the brain of a crazy person (me).  What do you mean little crack?  Wow those mountains look pretty smashy if you ask me.  Can we land on one of those mountains? I'm kind of scrawny they wouldn't eat me first right?  Is it tuck and roll or stop, drop and roll?   Oooohh emergency land at Salt Lake City airport?  No problem, I will just make my life in Salt Lake City so I don't have to fly ever again.  I will marry a polygamist and be a sister wife and call it a day.  Wait...what if I don't like my sister wives?  Can I be the "fun wife", I don't feel like being the parenting wife, or the working wife, or the cleaning wife, I already do that!!  Does it matter that I'm already married?   Wait....do I get a wife choice? That doesn't seem fair.

Maybe I could rent a car and drive the rest of the way. Nooooo I hate to drive, and I hate being a passenger even more.  Guess I will have to make a life for myself in Salt Lake City.  Good thing I blew my hair out this morning, at least I will look cute for this emergency landing, and my new life as a polygamist.
So the plane lands and I turn to look to see the "tiny crack" and this is what I saw.

Well I flew on to my destination with the help of a handfull of medication, deep breathing techniques, and a big heap of denial.   To be honest it was ssooo stressfull I don't remember switching planes or the rest of the trip. Goooooo brain injury/crazy tendencies!!!

Oh and THANKS United Airlines for the $25.00 gift certificate for my "inconvenience".  $25.00?  That covers about 15 minutes of the months of therapy that I will require to get on another airplane.